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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462307">Dirty Little Secret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaterBear/pseuds/TaterBear'>TaterBear</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Gallavich OST [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shameless (US)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Mickey Milkovich, Gay Sex, Homophobic Language, Ian Gallagher and Mandy Milkovich are Best Friends, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, POV Mickey, POV Mickey Milkovich, Top Ian Gallagher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:01:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaterBear/pseuds/TaterBear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey Milkovich isn't gay. He just knows he isn't. If he keeps telling himself that, maybe he will stop thinking about his sister's boyfriend. But right now, his feelings for Ian Gallagher, are his dirty little secret.</p><p>Takes place in season 1.</p><p>Part of my Gallavich OST series, but can be read by itself. If you read the series, this begins before Blue on Black, but ends after so they overlap.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ian Gallagher &amp; Mandy Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Gallavich OST [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dirty Little Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by the song Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects.</p><p>This is not the story I set out to write today. </p><p>Also, I'm having trouble with the things I'm writing not coming out with my "accent" so to speak. So if things sound different than what how Mickey should be saying them, it's because of that. I'm working on it.</p><p>You can find me in tumblr @deathdoesntdancealone. I’m not that interesting though, so you might not be too impressed.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>When we live such fragile lives</em><br/>
<em>It's the best way we survive</em><br/>
<em>I go around a time or two</em><br/>
<em>Just to waste my time with you</em><br/>
<em>Tell me all that you've thrown away</em><br/>
<em>Find out games you don't want to play</em><br/>
<em>You are the only one who needs to know</em>
</p><p>* * *</p><p>“Ian Gallagher!"</p><p>I'm gonna kill this asshole. Nobody fucks with Mandy. NOBODY. Mandy is all I got. I'm all she's got. Well I mean we got brothers and stuff, but they're more like our dad. Me and Mandy are more like our mom. Probably why Terry hates us so much. We aren't carbon copies of him. Mom left days ago to pick up my brother. He doesn't get out until tomorrow. I'm guess that means she finally got up the nerve to leave. She should'a took Mandy with her. Bitch. Leaving Mandy here with Terry. I thought she actually cared about my sister. Guess not. Now, I gotta protect Mandy by myself. No biggie. I can handle it.</p><p>And who is this asshole who thinks he can try to rape my sister. She gets enough of that shit from Terry. Not that I can do anything about it. Terry almost killed me last time I tried. And if I die, I <em>really</em> can't protect Mandy. And this Ian Gallagher thinks he can get away with this shit? Gallagher. Another one of Frank's kids. I swear Frank Gallagher has more kids than Terry Milkovich and there's quite a few of us running around. Probably some that I don't even know about.</p><p>Where is this kid? He's slicker than shit. It's been a long time someone gave the Milkovich brothers the slip like this. Maybe I should just go to his house. No, I already beat his brother Lip and their sister is something I don't want to deal with. I'm not scared of her or anything, so I'm not some kind of pussy. But she seems like she's not afraid of me either. That's dangerous for me.</p><p>* * *</p><p>“The fuck you mean he's your boyfriend now?” Mandy has lost her mind. How can she be dating the guy that tried to rape her?</p><p>“It was all a misunderstanding.” She steals my beer. And I let her because I'm so confused. “He wasn't trying to rape me, he thought that's how things worked because of porn. My fault for messing around with a virgin.” She shrugged at this like it was nothing. “But don't give him shit about being a virgin.”</p><p>I just stare at her. She's not telling me something. There is something else there. She's hiding something for him. I know my sister. What is she hiding? And what's the whole thing about him being a virgin? This is South Side. Most of us have had sex by the time we're 12 just because there's nothing better to do. Something isn't right here. But I'll be damned if I know what it is.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Why am I outside the Kash &amp; Grab again? Why am I trying to get a look at my sister's boyfriend? Why is this guy going out with my sister? Dammit, I'm supposed to wonder why my sister could see in this guy, not the other way around. I'm supposed to worry about how this guy will treat my sister, not how my sister will treat this guy.</p><p>I have to admit, this one is cute. Cute? Fuck Mickey, don't ever use the word cute. Don't think that gay shit. Not even to describe a puppy. Mandy has fucked around with a lot of guys. I don't blame her. Anything to not think about Terry on her. Anything to pass the time in this shithole. But this guy is different. He's... He's... Better? Is that the word I want to use? He's... Sweeter? I slam my fist into the brick wall behind me. That's so fucking gay. Mickey Milkovich doesn't use the word “sweet” unless he's talking about a candy bar. Maybe not even then.</p><p>But this guy, Ian Gallagher, is different. I can't put my finger on it. Just like I can't put my finger on what Mandy is hiding about him. He's tough, but he's soft. He's South Side, but should'a been North Side. He wasn't made for this shithole. He was made for better. He deserves better. I did not just think that. I don't think that about anyone but Mandy. Mandy is the only one who deserves better than South Side. So why am I starting to think the same thing about her boyfriend?</p><p>* * *</p><p>Watching Mandy with Gallagher is uncomfortable. Mandy has never had a boyfriend this good looking. Yeah, I've looked. Doesn't make me a faggot. Men are sexy. Men are sexier than women. But that's just because I haven't found the right woman yet. He is sexy as fuck. Mandy is in love with him. It's obvious by the way she looks at him. But there is something else in her eyes. A longing. Like she can't have him. Mandy wouldn't be with this guy if they weren't fucking. And from the way she talked about their “misunderstanding” he wanted to fuck her. Why does she look at him like that?</p><p>He doesn't look at her the way she looks at him. There is no desire in his eyes. Those big green eyes. The go to her room, and I listen outside her door, but I can never catch them fucking. I've tried. I've “accidentally” walked in on Mandy fucking quite a few times. As much as I don't want to see my sister like that, seeing the guy's back muscles and asses clenching as they fuck her was worth it. I've jacked off so many times to those images.</p><p>But not Gallagher. They never have sex in the house. Why? Mandy's never been shy to fuck guys around her brothers. But not this one. Maybe she's afraid that Terry will walk in on them. There's something about him that makes me think this guy would try to fight Terry. He seems so soft, but he's so hard. He would stand up for those he loved. Even against Terry. I think he loves Mandy. Loves Mandy like I do. As much as I do. But that can't be right. A boyfriend would never love his girl like a sister.</p><p>* * *</p><p>If my dad finds out that I have a crush on a guy, I'm dead. If my sister finds out I have a crush on her boyfriend, I'm dead. Crush. That's fucking gay. It's not a crush. It can't be. If it is, then I'm gay. I can think he's hot and not be gay. I can think I might like to know what he looks like naked, and not be gay. But a crush would be gay.</p><p>I wish Gallagher was gay. And not gay like he's a little pussy bitch. Those are the guys my brothers and I fag bash. Gay like he might want to have sex with a guy. Have sex with me. That would make him gay. But I'm not gay. Liking what I like don't make me a bitch. It don't make me gay either. But I want Gallagher to be gay.</p><p>I want him over me the way I've seen other guys on Mandy. I want him in my room. On my bed. Jesus, this is my sister's boyfriend I'm talking about. I don't want a dick in me that's been in my sister. That's just gross. And yeah, I want his dick in me. Not the other way around. I know what I want. I know what I like. I've had my dick in girls to get my dad off my back. I don't like it. I don't like how hot it is around my dick. My hand feels so much better. Blow jobs are nice, Ican even deal with getting one from a girl as long as I don't have to look at her, but I don't want my dick in any asshole. I want a dick in my asshole. I want Gallagher's dick in my asshole. I'm not gay though. But I hope he is</p><p>* * *</p><p>I'm standing outside this stupid store again. I gotta stop coming here. I can't see in the windows from across the street. I can't see if Ian is in there. Or if it's towel head. Or both. Or towel head's wife. She's a cherry bomb with a lit fuse. I would never admit to being scared by a woman, but I'm kinda scared of her. She might be a woman, but she's more of a man than her husband is, and she'd probably make my life difficult. Women who aren't afraid of me are dangerous. I've got two of them to deal with now. Towel head's wife and Gallagher's sister. They both have an attitude like Mandy. I'm afraid of Mandy, but I would never admit it. Maybe that's why these two make me uncomfortable, they remind me of my sister who isn't afraid of me at all.</p><p>I need something to eat and I don't have any money. I usually just walk into the Kash &amp; Grab and grab whatever I want from Kash, the towel head. What a dumb name for this store. He's just asking for it. But what if Gallagher's is in there. I don't want to steal from here if he's in there. But I'm so hungry.</p><p>I walk in like the bad ass I am. I'm not gonna let it show that I haven't eaten in days because I made sure Mandy had food. Mandy is more important. But I gotta eat something. I look around. There's Gallagher looking at me like he thinks I'm scum. You're dating my sister asshole. Fuck you for looking down on me. The Gallaghers are just as fucked up as the Milkoviches.</p><p>I put all my food in a box towel head had. He looks terrified. Good. Gallagher, on the other hand, looks pissed. Fuck him. No, I want him to fuck me. I can't think about that right now. I just grab my food and walk out. Jesus Gallagher's freckles really show when he's mad. It's beautiful. He's beautiful. Men aren't beautiful Mickey. Stop this gay shit. I'm outside, but I want to see those freckles again. I'm fucked. I go back to take another look and see the beautiful fire behind those green eyes. How have I never noticed they burn like that before.</p><p>“Forgot the dip.” God that sounds dumb. I gotta get out of her before I make a fool of myself. I say something else. At lest I think I say something else. Or did I say something before the stupid comment about the dip? Maybe it was before I left the first time. Did I say anything or just think it? Something about barbecue chips. Maybe. Am I talking? I can't think straight. What has Gallagher done to me? I walk out and he follows me. Says something about “civic pride” whatever the fuck that means. I'm trying to not pay attention. I turn and throw the dip at him. White stuff everywhere. That's got to be a metaphor for something. Metaphor. I actually remember that from school. Sometimes I pay attention to the weirdest shit. But seeing Gallagher jump like that was worth losing the dip.</p><p>* * *</p><p>I've got to stop standing outside Kash &amp; Grab. I need to stop chasing my sister's boyfriend. This is a dangerous game. I've got to stop playing it. I walk across the street and into the store. Only towel head is here. No Gallagher. I wonder where he is. Oh, well. Might as well grab some shit since I'm already here. Not like this pussy will do anything about it.</p><p>“Stop Mickey.” Did he just try to tell me to do something. Oh hell no. You don't give a Milkovich orders. I turn around to see him pointing a gun at me. Seriously? I roll my eyes.</p><p>“You better put that away before I have to hurt you with it.” Dumbass. He isn't even holding the damn thing right. I just stand there looking at him. It would be a dare to shoot me, if it was anyone else. But this idiot wouldn't shoot a rabid dog that was attacking one of his own kids. “Whatever faggot.” I don't think dude is gay, but the scared look on his face when I say that makes me second guess.</p><p>I take the food and the gun and walk away. Is this married guy with kids gay? That would explain why he's such a pussy. I'm not gay because I'm not a pussy. Just because I don't like pussy, doesn't mean I am one. I will like it, someday. I just haven't found the right one yet. One that doesn't make me feel gross when I put my dick in it. I'd still rather have a dick in me. But married couples do that shit. I read about it online. The woman fucks the man with a fake dick. Sounds great to me. I just gotta find the right girl.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Something is being pressed into my back. Who the fuck thinks their gonna wake me up like this? What if it's Terry? He passed out on the couch last night. I made sure I didn't go to sleep until after he did so I could protect Mandy. I let him use me as his punching bag all night to keep him away from Mandy. The only person I ever loved.</p><p>Since I'm only half awake, I don't hear everything being said from the person holding whatever it is to me. Something about a gun and my name. But that's not Terry's voice. That's not any of my brother's voices. That's not Mandy's voice. That's Mandy's boyfriend's voice. Gun? Oh yeah. I stole his boss's gun. And he came to get it back. The fuck?</p><p>“Yeah ok.” I act like I'm getting up and grab the thing Gallagher was holding. A tire iron? He's braver than I gave him credit for. I try not to let the fact that I'm impressed distract me from beating this dude's ass. Who does this shit think he is? Just because he's fucking Mandy doesn't give him the right to think he runs things around here.</p><p>He's stronger than he looks. And it's sexy as fuck. It's hard to fight with a boner. But I'm Mickey Milkovich. I'd beat this guy's ass with my boner if it came down to that. That sounds gay Mickey. And that's not a good thought to have while I'm already horny from this fight and they guy I'm fighting is my sister's boyfriend.</p><p>I have him down on my bed, straddling his chest, weapon raised. I look into those green eyes. I see the fire of anger behind them again. And something else. That look. The one he never gives my sister. That look that screams “I want to fuck you” that I've never seen on his face. He doesn't look at my sister that way. But he's looking at me that way. And there's no doubt in my mind. My sister's boyfriend is gay. He's gay and he wants to fuck me. Right. Fucking. Now.</p><p>I jump off him and start taking my clothes off. This can't be happening. I must still be asleep. I'm having a wet dream about my sister's boyfriend. That's wrong on so many levels. I look up to see he's taking his clothes off just as fast. God he's gorgeous. I only make it down to his stomach before I can't stand to look at him anymore. This can't be a dream. I could never dream up something that looks like that. I'm half naked and self conscious because he looks so much better than me. But he doesn't seem to care. I didn't even look at his dick.</p><p>I hope he doesn't want me to fuck him. I can't handle that. No, I'm in control here. Whether Gallagher likes it or not. I'm the boss. He's just gonna have to take what I let him have. I slid down the edge of my bed and stick my ass out hoping he takes the hint. I hear him murmur something that sounds like “thank god your a bottom” whatever that means. I've never done this with a guy. I have stuck things up my ass so I know what I like and how I like it, but this is a first. I've got to act like I know what I'm doing or he might make fun of me and run off and tell everyone. I can't have that.</p><p>“God your ass is something.” He rubs his dick on it. Oh. My. God. He's huge. Is that thing gonna fit in me? I can't let him know I'm scared of the fucking fire hose he's been hiding in his pants.</p><p>“If you like so much, get to fucking it.” I pant. Then I remember there are other people in the house. “But you gotta be fucking quiet.”</p><p>“Lube?” He asks as his fingers rub over my asshole. I nearly came just from that. Please don't let me cum early like some kid.</p><p>“No.” Was that my voice? Did I just squeak like a damn girl? I'm so fucked. “You don't have any at Kash &amp; Grab for me to steal.” And he's laughing. I didn't say anything funny, so he must be laughing at how my voice sounds. Shit.</p><p>“The things you don't know...” The fuck does that mean? Does he know I've never done this before? Is he making fun of me? “Well, I'll make due, but it might hurt.” He's not laughing anymore and almost sounds sorry. Like he doesn't want to hurt me. He cares?</p><p>“Just hurry the fuck up before my sister catches her boyfriend fucking me and I have to answer questions I don't want to be asked.” I wiggle my ass against his dick again to try to get my point across.</p><p>He gasps and grabs my hips. “Ok. Hold on to something.” I hear him spit in his hand and rub his dick.</p><p>Then his spits down my ass crack. What the... SHIT! He pushes into me. It fucking hurts. It's fucking amazing. It is the best thing I ever felt. Better than anything I've ever stuck up my ass. I knew in that moment it would feel better than having some woman fuck me with a fake dick too. He pulls out only to ram back in. He fucks me so hard and so fast I think I'm dying. But in a good way. There must be a god if something that feels this good exist.</p><p>I bite my fist to keep from screaming his name. <em>Ian. Fuck me, Ian. Fuck me like you hate me, Ian. Fuck me like you love me, Ian.</em> I'm gone. I never call him Ian. Fuck this feels good. He lets out a slight moan and I almost cum again. I slap back at him to remind him to be quiet. I'm sure the bed is hitting the wall. It must be making noise. I hope no one notices. My door must not be all they way closed. I can hear it too. Please don't let anyone come to find out what's going on in here.</p><p>He reaches around me and grabs my dick. Jesus, can this feel any better? I fuck into his hand they way he fucks into my ass and I know I will never want to fuck a girl again. They will never fell this good. I'm almost there when I feel him bite my shoulder to keep from crying out. That's it. I'm done. I come all over his hand and my bed in front of me. I hear his breath catch. He thrust a couple of more times and I feel him cum inside me. I can't describe how good it felt. It almost felt like he was marking his territory.</p><p>Fuck someone is coming. Terry goes to the bathroom. Gallagher is under the sheet with me. We both still have our pants around our ankles and no shirt on. Terry is still drunk. Thank god. Otherwise he would understand what he's seeing. As it is, hes just tells us to put some clothes on and leaves. I've never been so glad for Terry to be shitfaced.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Does Mandy know her boyfriend is gay? I was scared at first that he would say something. But no one has said anything to me about being a faggot. So I guess Gallagher kept his mouth shut. Such a pretty mouth. I want it around my dick. But has that mouth been on my sister's pussy? Has the only dick I've ever had in me been in my sister too?</p><p>I think back to the way I used to wonder why I never caught them fucking. Mandy always had that look in her eye. Like she was in love with Gallagher, but couldn't have him. Then everything makes sense. She knows. She has to know. Does she know? Just the other day she made a comment about him being her boyfriend and that I was jealous that they were fucking and I wasn't getting laid.</p><p>“Yo, Mands. I know you said that you told me Gallagher tried to rape you because of a misunderstanding, but something doesn't seem right. Sometimes I don't think you guys even fuck.” There. I said it. But I don't know if I want to know the answer anymore from the look on her face.</p><p>“Look Mickey, there's shit I can't tell you about Ian. Ok? He's got messed up shit going on just like everyone else in South Side. It's not my place to tell you.” She drops her eyes to the sandwich she's trying to eat made of stale bread and mustard, since that's all we have. She looks guilty and I feel bad for bringing it up.</p><p>But I have to know. I have to know if Gallagher is fucking both of us. Jesus that makes it sound like it's more than just a one time thing. I'm so fucked.</p><p>“He's your boyfriend and you're my sister. I can tell something is off.” Can I convince her to tell me? “I don't care what it is as long as it's not hurting you. And since he's your boyfriend, I swear I won't act like I know what's going on. I just want to make sure you're ok.”</p><p>“Awwww, does Assface care about his wittle sister?” If she uses that tone again, sister or not, I'm gonna fuck her up. “Ok swear you won't say anything? And that you won't hurt him? I might tell you... But he can't know you know. He'll kill me.”</p><p>“I swear bitch, now spit it out.” I realize I'm sitting on the edge of my chair. I get up to grab a beer. Even when there's no food, there's always beer.</p><p>“Ian is gay.” She looks for my reaction and I hope my shock looks genuine. “I tried to fuck him and he pushed me away. I've never been rejected before and I didn't like it.”</p><p>“So you wanted me to kill some dude because he hurt your feelings?” This is ridiculous.</p><p>“Fuck off.” But there was no bite to it. “He finally told me why he didn't want to have sex with me and I didn't believe him at first. Just thought he wanted me to call you off. But he was telling me the truth. He's gay. I'm pretending to be his girlfriend so he doesn't have assholes like you trying to fag bash him. I fuck other guys and I guess so does he.” She shrugged at her last sentence.</p><p>“He's got a boyfriend?” Did that sound jealous? I'm not jealous. Well I'm kinda jealous of my sister, but whatever.</p><p>“I don't think 'boyfriend' is the right word.” She looks like she's trying to decide to tell me something or not. Jesus, how many guys besides me is this dude fucking. Dammit I am jealous. Great. “He's fucking his boss, Kash.” Mandy got up from the table after that, but I wasn't paying attention.</p><p>Gallagher was fucking towel head. No. Fucking. Way. I'm gonna put a stop to that as soon as I can. I am not gay. I do not have feelings for Gallagher. But, that fucker Kash is not gonna lay one more hand on that freckled skin. Not if I have anything to do with it. I'm going over there right now. The thought of Kash with Gallagher is making my blood boil. </p><p>“Are you leaving?” Mandy comes into the living room where I'm putting on my boots. “As much as I don't want you to bug Ian, can you swipe some SpaghettiOs or something from the Kash &amp; Grab? I'm starving.”</p><p>“Sure Mands. I'll see what I can get you.”</p><p>* * *</p><p>Kash wasn't in the store. But I'll be dammed if I didn't walk out of the Kash &amp; Grab that day with no food. Sorry Mandy, I got distracted my dirty little secret.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story started out as a completely different song. </p><p>It began at "If my dad finds out that I have a crush on a guy, I'm dead." and would've taken place right after where this story ends.  Where Dirty Little Secret is in my original playlist is actually right before they get caught by Frank. Somehow this story happened. And it happened here. I'm going to go reorganize my playlist. Again. I've never had a story change this dramatically. It morphed into a completely different plot. This is probably why I've never published any of my stories before because I don't know what to do with myself at this point.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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